Fixing Things In The Sticks

[Editor's Note: Moving from New York City to The Sticks will probably be good blog fodder.  We'll see.  Here's another look at one of the differences between the two lifestyles.]

A fact of life in a Big City which LG took for granted is that he had a building superintendent (known as "the Super") living on premises.  The Super was a phone call away whenever a plumbing, electrical or other household problem arose.  Leaking sink?  He could handle it.  Need an electrical outlet changed?  No problem.  When it came to home repairs, The Super was, indeed, super.

Now LG is responsible for those tasks himself (or, when need be, responsible for hiring people to do those tasks.)  Here's a look at LG's toolbox:     

That's all you really need in LG's world.  If something is stuck, spray WD-40 on it.  If it won't stay together, duct tape it up.  Pretty much covers all situations.

OK, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration -- LG does, in fact, possess an actual toolbox -- but he's a far cry from a professional carpenter, plumber or electrician.  He can do the basic stuff himself, despite the fact that both his sister, MIG, and his wife, IMG, publicly belittle LG's handyman skills.  Yet they'll be the first to ask him to do something when a need arises.  Hypocrisy?  Certainly, but LG deals with it.  He's gracious like that.   In fact, mentioning how gracious he is happens to be the least gracious thing he's ever done. 

When you're doing your own home repairs and improvements, you find yourself in Home Depot and Lowe's quite a bit.  You quickly learn that: a) each visit will cost you at least $100; and b) the salespeople don't know jackshiite about most things. 

LG asked the Home Depot clerk the other day where latex primer was located.  His helpful response (this is 100% true): "There are only three paint aisles, I know it's in one of them, just check them all." 

Then there was the cashier at Lowe's.  LG had ordered a barbecue grill that was to be assembled and delivered a week later.  The cashier asked "When would you like the grill assembled?" 

LG replied, "I don't really care, as long as it is delivered to my house assembled, I don't care when you actually assemble it, as long as it's before the delivery date."

"But sir, I have to indicate an assembly date in the computer before I can check you out, so I need you to choose a date. "

"OK, fine, assemble it tomorrow, " LG said, giving in.

"That's too soon sir.  You'll need to pick another date." she said.

This was when LG picked up a nearby shovel and bashed his own head in.  No assembly required. 

Welcome to The Sticks, LG hopes you're enjoying it!