Terri's Little Corner Game

Caution: Blog may be hot after microwaving.
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LG is a bit of an outcast in the world of blogging.  Yes, it's true.


If you click around the blogosphere, you'll see that most other bloggers have multiple awards.  Granted, these "awards" are mostly created by other bloggers to get more visitors to their site, but, still, technically they're awards.  Some bloggers have so many awards that they've declared that they won't accept any more (many of these awards require the recipient to acknowledge the presenter and direct readers back to the presenter's site.)

But The LG Report doesn't even have one stinkin' measly half-assed award to show for itself.

And, generally, the other bloggers don't even ask The LG Report to play in their reindeer games.  We're guessing it's because the authoritative, professorial and serious tone of The LG Report has led other bloggers to believe that we're strictly a hard news site not given to indulging in juvenile pursuits.

Wrong-o Kemo Sabe.

Recently, one of the other bloggeristas, our friend Eva over at Wrestling with Retirement , (a very funny blog) implicated The LG Report in a game that originated at Terri's Little Corner.

LG is not familiar with Terri's blog, but it's worth checking out, no doubt.  And he is familiar with Eva's blog, and that's certainly a good one if you're looking for laughs.

So anyway, LG has decided to go along with this game in order to become a bit more mainstream in the blogging world.  Here are the rules:

You must list 5 things about yourself; 4 of them must be bold-faced lies. Just make some shit up, we’ll never know; one of them has to be true, though. Of course, nobody will ever know the difference, so we’re just on the honor system here. I trust you. Except for the 4 you lied about, you lying bastards! But don’t go crazy trying to think of stuff as we’re not really interested in quality here. Then you must pass this on to 5 bloggers.

So here we go, four of these statements are total lies, and one is the truth.  See if you can guess which one is true:  

Looks kinda real, no?

1.  LG once made a handgun out of chocolate as part of a class project in 5th grade.  The teacher didn't like that LG had chosen a gun as his his shape for the chocolate, but she allowed it anyway.  When President Gerald Ford came to a nearby town to cut the ribbon on a new state-of-the-art shipyard, LG was hoping to present the gun to him as a gift from the school but Secret Service agents, upon seeing the chocolate gun, wrestled LG to the ground.  Once the truth was discovered, two Secret Service agents broke the gun into bite-sized sections and devoured it.  LG was glad that some of his hair had fallen into the chocolate while making the gun.  Phew, that's a long story and clearly BS so let's just concentrate on the next four....

Much hotter now than in school.

2. LG dated Madonna for two years while growing up in Michigan, but the relationship ended badly because she was so greedy.  LG kept calling her a material girl and she would counter "Papa (her nickname for LG because he wrote like Ernest Hemingway) don't preach!"  They eventually got into a big fight and LG refused to take her to the school sock hop, prompting her to say that LG had gone over the borderline. He told her that she was acting like a virgin and that she should thank her lucky star that LG even spoke to her.  LG knew that she would never amount to anything so he dumped her on New Year's Eve.       

Like this, but in a wetsuit. Eww...

3.  LG sang the Star Spangled Banner before the start of the 1994 Little League World Series Championship Game between Northridge, California and a team from Venezuela.  He was given this honor because the Director of Operations for Little League Baseball, Inc. almost drowned while scuba diving off of the Bahamas, but LG saved his life by single-handedly lifting him off the ocean floor and swimming to the surface.  The man had lost control of his bowels during the ordeal, and promised to let LG sing the national anthem if would agree to never tell anyone that he had dropped a doody in his pants.  Note: the man said "tell," and never specifically asked LG to not blog about it.  Plus, it's too late now to make LG un-sing the National Anthem.

4.  LG's first language as a child was not English; he did not learn English until he went to kindergarten.

Doesn't look like a nut here.

5.  LG tried to enter the NASA astronaut training program but he was rejected because NASA Human Resources personnel felt that LG would be too distracting to the other astronauts with his George Clooney looks and Jerry Seinfeld sense of humor.  He also smells really good thanks to natural bodily scents.  That crazy bitch astronaut who wore the adult diaper from Houston to Florida was the one who interviewed him and had the final say.  He knew she was a stalker even then.      


So that's it, which one is true?

LG could be a bastard and make you wait until the next posting....but he won't.  Scroll down for the answer.
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Number 4 is true, LG first spoke Greek as a child before learning English.

That's LG's yacht in the background.

Yasou!  We hope to see you back here again soon.  Our next interviewee will be Sandra from Canada, and we're expecting great things from her!