Thoughts on Reaching 100

Welcome to our _ool.  Notice that there's no "P" in "Pool," let's keep it that way.
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Sign at the Queen of England's pool.

LG always loves that sign when he see it at pools.  It's so original and unique that it made him laugh the first 150 times he saw it.



Our thoughts on reaching 100?  No, LG is NOT 100 years old. Not even close, so just back it down. 

LG is referring to the fact that The LG Report is getting very close to having 100 followers.  Very close.

Thisfreakingcloseasamatteroffact.Notevenroomforaspacebetweenwords,thatfreakingclose,thankyou.

Of course, we don't want to jinx it and lose anyone.  Please don't cancel your followership just to screw with us.  Thank you. And feel free to use the word "followership" if you'd like, it's our gift to you upon reaching a hondo followers.

So how, one might ask, did The LG Report achieve such an impressive milestone after starting out 14 months ago with a mere 92 followers?

Wait, wait, we didn't start out with 92 followers - psych on you! - we started out like everyone else, with none.  Nada. Zero.  Zilch.

But please don't un-follow us for fooling you on that point.  In fact, please don't leave us at all; if you'll agree to that now, we won't have to beg after each time we fake out and/or insult you.   Thank you, we'll take your silence as an agreement. 

The LG Report is in front with the bag.  It was more fun to sneak in as a woman.

The LG Report came to this country fresh off the boat from Europe with only two followers in his pocket and no place to live.

OK, maybe that one doesn't work.






 

Let's try again: The LG Report was born to hard-working, but poor, sharecroppers in the South.

Not buying that one either?

But wait, doesn't that look a bit like LG having a nice wee wee on the floor?  He did just that, as a matter of fact, only last night.








OK, so none of those stories are true.  The truth is, LG, like every other blogger, just straps on his keyboard every morning and heads down into the blog mines to crank out an honest day's posting, hoping that Mother Earth will offer up some new followers so that he can feed his gambling habit adopted Sally Struthers kid overseas (of course, if Sally would donate just half her monthly grocery bill, we could feed all of Zambia...)

But seriously folks, LG owes a debt of gratitude to a number of very kind and generous fellow bloggers who have helped publicize The LG Report and bring some readers our way. We are speaking specifically of the following awesome people, in alphabetical order, so as not to offend anyone more than we are contractually obligated (Note: please click on each person's name to be magically transported to their excellent blogs):

Carol, who was our first international interviewee, writes an extremely entertaining blog that provides an insight into how British wives differ from their American counterparts (Spoiler alert: they don't!)  Carol rocks all around; she's funny, insightful and, also, a renown whiz at creating blog buttons.  Now if we only knew what a blog button is... Check her out, you won't regret it.

Cheeseboy  who shares LG's sense of sophomoric humor (and, coincidentally, he's a first-grade teacher, while LG has tested out at first-grade maturity levels...) is truly terrific. A resident of Utah, he has probably sent more followers to The LG Report than anyone, no doubt due to his, and our, readers' affinity for Mad Magazine-style intellectualism.  When assembling your bloglist, don't cut the Cheese, he's hilarious!

Eva Gallant is awesome.  She's apparently Wrestling with Retirement (her blog's title), although we hope that she doesn't retire from blogging for many, many years.  She's an expert at culling the funniest and most interesting tidbits from the internet. LG doesn't think he's speaking out of turn when he says that if you're in the Portland, Maine area, feel free to crash at Eva's place, she'd love to have you! (Just kidding; she'd wrestle you to the ground like you were Old Man Retirement, take your bloodied and bruised picture, and post it on her blog so that we could all have a laugh...)

Jessee writes Jessee's Spot, a blog that she posts from her Upstate New York home ("I love my crazy life.")  LG is good friends with Jessee's husband's uncle (a very close-in-age uncle, as LG is far from 100 years old, which he made clear earlier in this post) and that's how he came upon her excellent blog. 

Kate , like many female bloggers, is originally from Minnesota.  There must be something in the ice wine up there.  She now lives in Arizona, where she teaches at a community college (no, not that one, we were worried too...) and produces a very insightful and well-written blog.  It's raw.  It's real. It's Kate.  Every post is a gem!

Pearl  writes with a very unique -- and entertaining/hilarious -- style.  Tales of her daily bus ride alone will keep you in stitches all day as you think back on her insights.  And they could, no doubt, be the basis of a very successful network comedy (maybe to fill the Charlie Sheen void?)  Pearl has also has written a very funny "chapbook" (click on her blog for more details) of which LG bought two copies.  Two freakin' copies, that tells you something.  Many bloggers out there are oysters, but there's only one Pearl! (Oh, and she's from Minnesota and, unlike many other Minnesota-bred bloggers, she still lives there.  Pearl must not have her papers in order or something...)  She's got a ton of followers, you should become one of them if you're not already. 

Sandra, a Canadian mother of four, wife and nursing student, makes LG a bit nervous.  Why?  Because: 1) Her writing is undeniably hilarious; 2) She's quite the hottie (LG's girlfriend gave him permission to say that) (by the way, we hope you didn't waste time clicking on the word "girlfriend" expecting to see a photo, LG wouldn't share that with you people!); 3) She has a legion of fans who'd walk through a field of broken Molson bottles barefoot for her; and 4) She aspires to one day rule the world -- the whole world, not just the hockey-playing part.  Which may very well happen, so start practicing your "Hail to Queen Sandra!" chants now people, you've been warned.  P.S. We hope Queen Sandra will be nice to her early supporters. LG would like to be appointed Czar of the Fun Stuff, let someone else take care of the beatings and unexplained disappearances of people.
Miss Yvonne   gave us the most trouble here, because we didn't know whether to alphabetize her under "M" for Miss or "Y" for Yvonne.  These are the difficult decisions facing LG daily.  Anyway, Miss Y is cocky (perhaps a steel cage match between Miss Yvonne and Sandra would yield pay-per-view millions), funny and original.  Miss Yvonne blogs from Texas, where everything is bigger, including her sense of humor.     

So there you have it folks, The LG Report's pantheon of bloggers to whom we owe our gratitude.  You can't go wrong by checking out any or all of them.  Your satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.

As for what we'll do to celebrate when we actually do hit the coveted triple-figures mark, we're still not sure, but it will be something, no doubt.  And we'll soon be announcing the start of our LG Report's Cutest Pets Contest, so make sure you check back for that as well.

Thanks to all our followers, and readers in general; we hope you're enjoying the ride as much as we are!

[NOTE: We actually hit 100 followers as we were writing this post -- honest -- but we're not going to scrap the whole premise now just because of a technicality.... Thanks again to all LG Report followers, you're the best!] 

[P.S. We'll be interviewing 100th Follower Kelley, who hails from Texas, in an upcoming blog post that you won't want to miss.]